Miss Manners: I’m heartbroken to think my friend sent this mean text to our whole group

DEAR MISS MANNERS I am part of a group of six college friends from years ago We stay in touch by texting often and getting together in person every minimal years Related Articles Miss Manners I got in a cupholder argument with another concertgoer Which of us was right Miss Manners How can I wear jeans and a T-shirt if my husband is dead Miss Manners I notified her the seat was saved and she brought in her sons to ruin my night Miss Manners Heroes No these co-workers are selfish and inconsiderate Miss Manners I don t want to lie and say her hair looks nice We are spread out geographically but one friend and I are just a limited miles apart and have reliably seen each other more often I was to stop by this friend s house to pick something up and I texted her my expected arrival time In response I received what I would describe as a cross-text a mean-spirited and unflattering message about my husband and me Everyone in the group also knows my husband from school The friend criticized our life choices looking down on us My husband and I were both in the car when I read it aloud He was angry and I was hurt not having known she felt this way I was left wondering who the text was definitely for The idea that it was possibly for the rest of this group of friends broke my heart I stopped all contact with her The group is now planning our next in-person reunion and I do not know how to respond as I do not feel I can be around her comfortably I don t know if the group received the text as well What is the best way for me to handle this The group has been a special part of all of our lives over these years but now I feel betrayed GENTLE READER Our devices change much faster than the human condition which means etiquette can usually adapt relatively easily Your friend thought about wrote and got caught writing something unkind about you Though thoroughly unpleasant for you it is not the first time in human history such a thing has happened in fact it is why the apology was invented You do not mention what happened when you broke off contact Senders are not inevitably aware they have sent what you call cross-texts an essential point Miss Manners would have had you text back at the time that you did not believe this text was meant for you An apology should then have been forthcoming after which you could have decided whether years of friendship could be salvaged If there remains the possibility that your friend is unaware of what happened you might confide to one of the other group members when you decline the next outing that a hurtful text was sent without sharing details in the hope that that will elicit the apology DEAR MISS MANNERS Either due to my age or the illusion that I have my life together I am frequently sought for advice regarding life decisions such as if a friend should buy a car a house or whatever Related Articles Dear Abby I don t want to butt in but yoga isn t going to fix her challenge Asking Eric I m starting to suspect my husband lied about his first wife Harriette Cole I can smell my neighbors from outside their apartment Miss Manners I got in a cupholder argument with another concertgoer Which of us was right Dear Abby My husband is drifting along as a low-paid professor Is it time for an ultimatum The matter is that to answer the question intelligently I need to ask questions that are normally none of my business such as What is your income Your credit rating Are you thinking about having children How is your current job going Is there a polite but direct way of asking these without appearing unnecessarily nosy GENTLE READER Is this a casual question or are you asking for a really in-depth analysis which I m perfectly willing to do Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO