Asking Eric: After dementia diagnosis, friends disappeared

Dear Eric I was an attorney when I started having memory problems at age I retired and subsequently learned that I had a devastating rare dementia with a very short lifespan Instead of providing me backing my friends disappeared from my life at the time I needed them the majority Friends may rally around you when you have cancer driving you to chemo treatments dropping off food and other things to promotion you when you have dementia everyone just disappears I ve inevitably been a sociable person and I m missing that so much but I have no idea how or where to start Any ideas Left By Friends Dear Friends People sometimes don t know what to do or say when confronted with illness but that s no excuse for your friends behavior and I m sorry The Alzheimer s Association alz org has a wealth of tools for people with dementia including sponsorship groups both online and in-person Being able to talk with others about what you re experiencing and feeling will help with isolation This also might be a time for you to explore new volunteer opportunities or social groups that have nothing to do with dementia depending on your care plan and abilities You are a person who is worthy of connection with a wealth of experiences and knowledge from which others can benefit Your company would be welcomed at a senior center a local outing group or an organization that aligns with your interests and values If you have anxiety about navigating these spaces with dementia or need accommodation in order to feel safe please don t hesitate to reach out in advance and talk to a group leader about how you can participate largest part comfortably Dear Eric My husband is and I am He is still working and I am retired and work part time We have been married for six years We keep our finances separate yet both contribute to basic expenses He has much more in assets than I do When we married I signed a prenup which he designed saying he would set up a trust and give me lifetime rights to the home we live in if he passed away and I would not receive anything else So far he has not set up the trust or written a will I find I am getting more and more resentful about this I could survive if he passed away but I would have to relocate to a more affordable situation Should I push this issue so I can make plans for my old age while I am still healthy or wait it out We get along fine otherwise Am I wrong for expecting him to set up a trust to take care of me or leave me various assets I wonder if a prenup even applies if the marriage lasts until death I know times have changed and expectations of roles seem to have also Prenup Trouble Dear Prenup It would be wise of you to go over the prenup with an attorney as soon as achievable so that you can get a better sense of what you signed what your husband s obligations are and what recourse you have It sounds like the prenup is supposed to work in conjunction with more complex estate planning that your husband hasn t done Or at the least hasn t updated It would be helpful to know if he has a will that predates your marriage and leaves the house to someone else for instance Getting as much information as you can about your joint financial situation and talking about it with an attorney isn t greedy it s responsible The consultation you have with an attorney may give you specific options for how you can and should proceed Having a plan of action may take the bite out of your resentment thereby making space for a clear-eyed conversation with your husband Related Articles Asking Eric Nephew plans wedding for same weekend as relative s milestone birthday party Asking Eric Readers share techniques to talk about a child after loss Asking Eric In-law s demands test family patience Asking Eric Professor required to eulogize arduous former colleague Asking Eric Fianc s freeloading daughters are blocking marriage Dear Eric My husband of years passed away suddenly last year We had just moved into a retirement locality I still hurt deeply but not all the time anymore My neighbor is facing a similar situation I am beginning to feel an attraction We have a definite bond and get along really well Should I feel guilty about these feelings I don t know if it s too soon or if it was meant to be At least it gives me something to look forward to Confused Dear Confused Feel your feelings without judgment but proceed with caution This could be the beginning of something very special but you ll want to make sure that you re keeping communication open and moving at a pace that prioritizes where each of you is emotionally Mostly I d encourage you not to rush You re getting to know your neighbor but you re also getting to know a new part of yourself Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com